My last Facebook Messenger text to my mother-in-law was on Jan. 27. “How are you feeling?” I asked.
Lung cancer devastates quickly. She died a few days later. And like so many who lose loved ones, I posted a tribute to her on my Facebook page as the family gathered for her funeral.
Imagine my shock, then, when she wrote back on March 6.
“I am feeling very good now. It’s really very silent here. How are you all doing?” the Messenger message said.
Then, a few minutes later: “I hope that you are going to keep it a secret. Yes I can communicate with you.”
I stared stupidly at the screen. It was positively creepy and purposefully cruel – but my posts had unwittingly notified the ne’er-do-wells out there that she was gone, and they promptly hacked into her Facebook account. There, they surely tried to access any financial and personal information she may have stored.
This bit of “ghosting” is a 21st century take on the time-honored “obituary column thieves” phenomenon, made famous by a set of Pasadena sisters who scanned death notices, then systematically burglarized homes while grieving families were at funeral services.
As Facebook users skew older – the average age in the U.S. is now about 40 – dead members will surely become a bigger issue.
Users have complained that a dead man’s Facebook account was being used by an ex-girlfriend to follow people who had blocked her, and by scammers using dead people’s accounts to collect money, spam “friends” with sunglasses ads, and even tag people in photos.
Does Facebook have any words of wisdom about how to avoid trolls who may try to profit from public mourning?
A spokesman from the company offered condolences on our loss, and some tips so readers can avoid this sort of emotional punch, and protect the Facebook accounts of dearly departed friends and family.
- Ask Facebook to “memorialize” the loved one’s account. This keeps the account secure by preventing anyone from logging into it, but allows people to gather and share memories.
- The only person who can manage a memorialized account is a “legacy contact” – someone who was selected by the account holder (so one might want to designate a contact while young and healthy). A legacy contact can do things like pin a post on the person’s profile, respond to new friend requests and update profile pictures and cover photos.
- If the account holder didn’t select a legacy contact, the account will effectively lock, and won’t be actively cared for by anyone after memorialization. To request that an account be memorialized, fill out the Memorialization Request form.
- Verified immediate family members also can request the removal of a loved one’s account. Facebook will need documentation to confirm identity and death; the fastest way to process requests is to scan or photograph the death certificate.
- Facebook also says it takes “extra steps to protect financial information from hackers.” Even if hackers break into an account, “no one can see your whole credit card number or PayPal password on Facebook after you enter it, even with your password,” the spokesman said. More info on that on Facebook’s Payer Protection page.
- To secure your own account, consider two-factor authentication in addition to a strong password. More info is available at this page in Facebook’s help center.
Also, don’t accept suspicious requests, be careful about clicking on links or downloading software, and, if you get a beyond-the-grave message from your deceased mother-in-law, report it on Facebook’s How to Report Things page.
